Paradise Of Our Own
by Darkfrozenmind
Summary: Nagi is Brad's Mission


A Paradise Of Our Own  
  
  
"O gentle love that wears a smile as mantle,   
how ardent was your image in those torches   
filled only with the breaths of holy thoughts."   
  
- Dante, Paradiso  
  
  
  
Nagi.   
  
A velveteen dream, he was the smoothest texture and his eyes the brightest coals. A gesture as I caressed his cheeks as he slept, gentle hands rubbing against his cheeks, holding on to this memory. Our first and last night. There was one thing glorious about love and that was it made you feel like the air you breathe is enough to lift your soul somewhere beyond the hemisphere. I've never been one for poetic analogies, but the child in him made me look at things a little differently, it made me love him more each day. Everything about him - innocence, youth and even age.   
  
The price you pay for when the years are never quite equal. I never thought of it as corruption, I never thought of it as something that would diminish his worth. I loved him...I love him still, and that was all I needed to go on with. I never had the bravery to confess whatever it was I felt for him, not until tonight, I made him so happy, but at the crack of daylight I will break his heart, or maybe I won't...who am I to judge how one should feel right before the emotions steps in. I am the Oracle but I could never take what one feels I can only claim what one sees. Dry lips now infected with his sweetness the moment our tongues touched, the moment our lips pressed together, our hands venturing for their first exploration. I could all but stare stupified at his expert caress, knowing where and how to touch me, saying the words that I never predicted he would say. I almost choked at honesty i felt when I took him and entered him, the feel of him was hoensty in itself and I almost felt that he could see through me, even as I kissed his neck when the orgasm came, he still held on to whatever it was I had to give whatever false hope I spilled inside him. With that he kissed me back as if telling me it was okay, that it was always okay. Slender thighs in my hands..with the passion of what was repressed, I loved him, I love him still. Every part of me wanted to run and take him with me...escape to a place that never would have mattered if he was young and I was old. But we were in a society all our own, where the cruel act of punishment was the funniest of jokes and love...love was ultimate lie. I believed that for a while. But I don't believe it anymore. It was quite heavy in my hands, it's not the usual gun I carry, unlocking it I point it at him, and tell myself he has outlived his usefulness, convincing myself that this was all in a day's work. I blink back tears, tears that were hot in my eyes but refused to fall. How could love outlive its use when it is never used at all, love is somewhere between the words we say and the anger we feel, it's never there for us to fully grasp, we live by it and inside it hoping it was there in the first place. Love was my chance, and I was the one who lost it.  
  
I locked the gun once more. Maybe it was the sound that made him stir and he lifted those lashes, androgynous as ever, a girl and a boy in one. he never acted like he had to be someone I wanted him to be, he scuttled beside me and embraced me, for al I was worth. It felt good. I felt good. "I want to go by your hands...it is paradise in its own." It broke my heart into shards that will never come together no matter how hard I try. He smiled. He knew. It was never my decision, it was always his. he knew it was his time to go simply because he knew me well and all I have hidden is his to take...we had watched each other closely without coming forward, without the vitality to be honest.   
  
"I love you."   
  
He smiled just before I pulled, and in a minute the sheets were stained. Dead in a second, my mission for Esset complete...but the agony inside remains. This is who I am and what I do, but that's never an excuse, but it was also a case that never asked for an apology. I dressed myself with the dignity that I so showered myself with. a false hope and an eager escape. Taking my jacket I turn without looking back...I will remember you as you were alive not like this. Three men enter as i exit, checking if i had done my part...I have, I always do even if it meant the greatest sacrifice I had to make, all in the hope of becoming a better man. as I pass the hallways they smile at me, for I wear what they want to see, I nod, I greet adjust my glasses and blink.   
  
I see him in my head, that beauty that I loved ...I loved him, I love him still.  
  
~end~ 


End file.
